Things nobody tells you about: Body Confidence

It goes without saying that body confidence is a massive issue for men and women of all ages, races, religions and skin colours. It appears that the one thing we have in common is an insecurity about how we look. Despite presenting a – seemingly – more liberal acceptance of how we present body confidence in the media, there’s still this taboo when it comes to discussing it, and no matter how accepting we seem, there’s still this nature of ‘tearing into’ what doesn’t fit the norm of traditional beauty. 

When Lady Gaga performed recently at the Super Bowl she looked, and sounded, amazing. The woman oozes self confidence and acceptance of herself and others. But people out there couldn’t help themselves by criticising how she looked – saying that she had “a little pudge” and was on the “chubby side”. She clapped back, naturally, and told her fans that she is proud of her body and that they should be too.

But this still isn’t OK. Millions of impressionable young people will look at her and look at themselves and think that the way they look isn’t right. Gaga has taken steps to ensure that these young people should ‘love the skin you’re in’, but she’s just one voice, constantly juxtaposed every time we turn on the TV, look on social media, read a magazine. It isn’t OK; why should we accept living in a culture that belittles and criticizes based on physical appearance? When did we stop valuing people on the size of their worth, and start focusing on the size of their bodies?

I talk as this is a new thing, but it’s been happening for years. For years we’ve scrutinised others for the way they dress, behave, their shape. But we’re in 2017 now; surely society has moved on by this point?

I’ve always been chubby. When I was a kid as young as 10, I remember writing in a diary that I ‘needed to lose weight’ so a boy would like me; I remember at age 13 going whole days without eating anything until the evening when I couldn’t escape my moms gaze. And as an adult I’ve tried every diet and phase under the sun to try and lose a few pounds so my clothes would fit better. Herbal teas, diet pills, the apple diet, the baby food diet, and so on. There’s photos of me all through my life where my weight has yoyo’d; going from 30 pounds heavier than I should be, to extremely skinny. I wouldn’t say I’ve been bullied for my weight, but there have been comments made by so-called friends, strangers in a bar, peers, that have hurt, and inspired a fresh wave of dieting.

It took finding my now-husband before I became semi comfortable with the way I look. It’s a little cliche to say he loves me for the way I am, but he genuinely does. I still worry about if he finds me attractive, as I’m heavier now than I was when we met. I still have my down days, and I’m still not happy with the way I look (I’m currently in a ‘probably about 30 pounds heavier than I should be’ phase) every time I look in the mirror, but it’s gotten to the point where I’m starting to care less about what I look like, and more about my health.

Yes, I have a belly. Yes, I have rolls and ‘muffin tops’. And yes, I even have back fat. But I am also successful in my chosen career; I have a husband and son who love me; Christ, I’ve had a BABY! And my ‘Mommy Belly’ is a symbol of that feat.

I don’t know if this change of heart (I don’t want to call it ‘confidence’, because I’m anything but) comes from the fact that I have people who love me and accept me for who I am, or whether old age has made me thicker skinned, but I want to share my thoughts on the issue of body confidence, because it makes me sad when the kids I teach and the people whose tweets I follow constantly compare themselves to this unattainable ‘ideal’. It shouldn’t be about people feeling that they are not skinny enough, or ugly and imperfect because of normal flaws that everyone has. It’s about acceptance; those imperfections are what makes you you. And we shouldn’t be trying to change that, we should be trying to celebrate it.


And now it’s your turn. Try not to focus on your ‘flaws’, because we all have them. Instead, focus on why you’re a good person, focus on what makes you attractive – inside and out. We need to create a platform for body positivity, and use it to support and celebrate what makes us beautiful. It’s an invaluable tool to turn to whenever you’re feeling down about yourself. Hell, it’s an invaluable tool for  whenever you’re feeling good about yourself.

Again, I’m not the most confident person, so don’t take me as an advocate for body positivity because I’m only human. And there are days when I feel crap about myself. And when that happens, I just remember that I am loved. I take some time away from everything; I’ll go and take a shower or a bath, I’ll go and read a book, put a face Mask on, just take some time for my own mental health more than anything. Because I know, deep down, that I’m worth more than what I see in the mirror. And you are too.

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20 thoughts

  1. I’m so happy to hear that you are starting your journey towards self-acceptance and love! I’ve been going through this as well. It’s so difficult to accept yourself when you are surrounded by photoshop and what society deems as beautiful. Keep up the good work gorgeous xxx

    Melina / http://www.ivefoundwaldo.com

  2. This is such an inspiring post I love it. I’ve just started a little journey of my own this year to body confidence and this is going to help me on the days where I’m feeling low x

    1. I’m glad it helped you. It’s hard work and there are days when you feel completely awful, but remember all the good things about yourself and it’ll help ☺ xx

  3. This post is so empowering and honestly, keep preaching girl. I cannot agree more, we should learn to love and accept our bodies for the way they are! love posts like this x

    sami | possiblysami.com

  4. this was such an inspiring post to read, I’m glad you’re feeling better in yourself now. I remember when i was younger i used to want to lose weight lots and i used to skip meals to be skinner but in the long run it’s just not worth, I’d so much rather eat healthy now and maintain a good lifestyle x

  5. It can be so hard to be body positive when everywhere you look there’s photoshopped images. I’ve been plus size my whole life and It’s always been a source of unhappiness for me.

    My attitude has shifted the older I get but everyone has those days.

    This was so inspiring, keep it up!

  6. This is such an inspiring post. And so relatable. I am having trouble with body confidence just now. For many factors relating to work and eating to compensate and feeling shit after that. But learning how not to give a shit and accept things as they come. Lady Gaga was amazing and she looked great! Haters gonna hate anyway! xx c&K

  7. I’m totally agreed with you on the subject of Lady Gaga, I think she’s incredible and a real voice for positive body image! She also looked and sounded amazing on that stage, can’t believe anyone criticised her! What you said about your body image growing up resonated with me too, I desperately wanted to loose weight when really I just had a bit of childish “puppy fat” that every kid has! It’s such a shame that people (men and women) grow up under such pressures!

    Abbey 😘 http://www.abbeylouisarose.co.uk

  8. So inspiring! This is definitely something we need to talk about more. We all have bad days, but we all need to learn how to love ourselves and all of our flaws – nobody is perfect! x

  9. This is awesome, body confidence is always something I’ve struggled with and only now have I started to learn that this is my body it deserves to be taken care of and loved even if it doesn’t fit in with societies standards. 🙂

  10. I totally get this! I work hard on my workouts and some days I’ll have so much body confidence and then the next day it’ll all somehow vanish! I think those days I should stay away from looking at all the perfect people on instagram…

  11. This is such a beautiful post chick, I am a fellow chubby and am also only just starting to love myself, I’m finding it hard as growing up I was always the stick think ‘you should eat more’ but due to developing PCOD I gain weight just by smelling food! 🤦🏽‍♀️ This post has really motivated me so honestly, Thankyou!

    Clo || https://xvousetesbellex.blogspot.co.uk

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